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I wish you stayed…

I’ve always looked up to my sister.

You know, growing up she was everything I wasn’t.

She was an extrovert kind of person. Easy going, loved to be surrounded by friends, always enthusiastic, loving, and eager to help.

Her biggest dream was to become a doctor. She’s always been passionate about science and could explain everything in such a clear way. I remember in high school each time we studied together, I would always end up with a good mark.

Coming from a French background, I started developing an interest in the English language just because the 8 years old me heard my older sister discuss with an adult while we were on a trip with our mom in an English speaking country. I was a-m-a-z-e-d!

It’s always been like that.

She added so much to my personality.

She took her responsibility as a sister seriously. Sometimes it wasn’t fun at all, but we always make up in the end.

She was always there for me. When I needed help, comfort, and even friends! Yes, that’s right. I was so shy that I couldn’t make friends of my own. Her friends became automatically my friends.

She was my best friend.

She was…

was…

It’s so heartbreaking  to have to talk about her using the past tense.

The fact is that the bubbly personality, the enthusiasm were hiding a deep depression that I had no idea of.

She needed help. She needed professional care. She needed love. She needed to know that she wasn’t alone. She needed to have a good enough reason to keep fighting and not give up…

Sadly, November 17.2011 she gave up.

She would have been 30 tomorow.

She probably already would have been married.

I would have been the best aunty ever, covering my nieces or/and nephews with lots of gifts…

The worst in all is to keep on moving with the emptiness, the void that she left behind her.

If only she knew how valuable she was;

if only she could see beyond what seemed so scary to her;

if only I could have helped in any way…

Life would have been much more beautiful.

If only she stayed.